Feminist? I Think Not

I love being a girl. I love makeup, clothes, the color pink, stiletto heels, and not having to worry about getting my junk caught in pants zippers.

Superficial? Sure. But anyone who says that men and women should be equal in every way should have their heads examined. Here's my main issue with the feminism soapbox (and it is often a soapbox, ladies and gentlemen, be not confused): Too often, it's misconstrued as anti-man, rather than pro-woman.

Before you either cheer or wish me death, hear me out.

Do I think that women are as smart as men? Absolutely. Do I think women can do anything that men can do? Absolutely not. And why would they want to?

You know what total equality is? It's signing up for Selective Service at 18. It's the end of "women and children first." It's real push-ups and shorter maternity leave. And most certainly, it's not happening any time soon. And you can be sure it will NEVER happen at my house!

In many aspects of this world, men come out ahead, just as they have for the last...I dunno, trillion years. And while, to a career gal (which I was for the better part of my adult life) that is pretty crummy. However, there are many advantages to being a woman that are sadly overlooked.

My husband has, since our very first encounter, opened doors for me (car, house, whatever.) He opens doors and then shuts them after I am comfortably inside. He is teaching my boys to do the same. I never pay for drinks, and I always have a seat. My husband and his friends are the epitome of the Chivalry Club, circa 1950. They will carry you down the street if you ask them to, go to blows over you in 1.5 seconds (and he has, oh he sure has) and never, ever, would they let the lady pick up the tab.

Archaic? Maybe. Barbaric? Depends. And are all men like that? Of course not. But damnit, why are some girls so hell-bent on letting chivalry die? At the tender age of... well, anyhoo... I'm old enough to know that being a girl has some advantages, no matter your race or sexual orientation.

I'm still pro-woman. However, I'm not willing to sacrifice femininity for feminism. So even if I made more money than my husband (which I don't, but hypothetically) I'll still let him take out the trash. And kill spiders.

Besides, who would want to carry this:

When they could carry this:

**Did I mention I really, really reallyreallyreally want this purse?

And wear these:

When they could wear these:

**Why, yes, those are mine. You think they are lovely? Thanks.

So ladies? Work it. And men? Don't worry, there's still plenty of things that are all yours. After all, it's you guys who get drafted and have to pee standing up. Suckers.